Loyalty and Heartbreak (Bro-Code) – The Boy’s Club-Games

One of the hardest codes to decode is the “bro-code.” Even some guys don’t fully understand it. It’s a smooth game guys play for their friends, more like standing in the gap for a bro—defending him, committing to one crazy task or another. Brothers always have each other’s backs. The bro-code isn’t limited to one area of life either. It spans business, emotional support, finances, and—of course—adventures. It’s often the adventure part that hurts us women the most. Especially when they want their guy to help them juggle their relationships, whether it’s with their main girl or a side-chick. It’s not funny.

I can’t begin to tell you how many women have been hurt in the process. Some of the titles we ladies unknowingly get from these bros are mind-blowing. For example, there’s the “world bank”—the woman who feeds the guy. Then there’s “wifey”—a title to make you feel like you’re the main girlfriend when, in reality, you’re far from it.

When it comes to their adventures with women, I’ve heard countless stories from my male friends, especially when they matured and became more responsible. Maybe I’ve even been a part of such games without knowing! One friend shared an experience that was hard to believe.

His bro had been pursuing this girl for a while, despite having several girlfriends. He just wasn’t going to give up the chase. The lady wanted something serious, not just a fling, so my friend was called in to help. His job? To pretend he was the elder brother returning from Russia with the final say on marriages in their family. The plan was to convince the girl that marriage was in the picture. My friend couldn’t believe he drove all the way from Accra to Takoradi for this.

When he got there, there had already been a serious fight between the couple. However, the lady still met him, expecting to resolve things. Ladies, you know how we feel when we expect a serious conversation, but find the guy hanging out with his friends. My friend played the part perfectly. After greeting the girl, he started the act with the usual cheesy line, “I’ve heard so many nice things about you.” Somehow, that worked, and she smiled. From there, he scolded his friend in front of her, all part of the game. He apologized on his friend’s behalf, praised her, and assured her she would be a wonderful addition to their family. After a while, everything smoothed out. They left together, and my friend received the text later that night: “All done and cleared. Great sex.”

Another story came from a friend living in the U.S. who decided to visit Ghana. Before arriving, he started chatting with his long-time ex-girlfriend. His mother knew the girl, so he needed a cover story to spend time with her. My friend stepped in and pretended to be married to the ex, with cheap rings and all. The mother was thrilled, and they played the part perfectly. Whenever it was time to eat, the mother would call out, “My son, call your friend and his wife.” The illusion was so convincing that no one questioned it. Trust me; I had a nice treat—all for a brother. When the stay was finally over, I struggled to take off the ring because my fingers had swollen. Eventually, I managed to pull it off. I joked with my friend, “Maybe that’s karma right there.” Looking back, I couldn’t help but wonder—what was his excuse to his long-time ex-girlfriend? Was she in on it too? I never found out, but that’s not the point. The point is, the brotherhood was tight.

The worst example, though, came from my own partner. He told me about a time when his friend’s serious girlfriend showed up at the door while the side-chick was inside. In a panic, his friend called for help, and my boyfriend rushed over. He smoothly convinced the girlfriend to take a ride with him around the neighborhood, giving his friend time to clear out the side-chick and straighten things up. By the time they got back, everything was back to normal, and the girlfriend had no idea.

The bro-code is so strong that two guys, living in different locations, can knowingly date the same woman without an issue. Yet, this same code can stop a guy from dating his bro’s ex if the other isn’t comfortable. It’s fascinating, but also problematic.

Fellas, imagine if someone pulled these same tricks on your innocent, sweet sister—playing with her emotions, making her a pawn in a game she didn’t even know she was part of. Would it still be funny? Would you still support the bro-code if it left her heartbroken and betrayed? It’s easy to stand up for a brother, but it’s time to reflect on the damage done to the women caught in the crossfire of these “adventures.”

And to my ladies: let’s start building our own code—sisterhood. Trust your instincts. Don’t overlook the red flags, no matter how subtle they are. The small inconsistencies, the gut feelings—they’re there for a reason. Pay attention to them. Stand by each other, defend each other with the same loyalty these guys give to their brothers. When we strengthen sisterhood, we stop being players in their games and start playing our own.

Here’s a mantra we can live by:

“If it doesn’t sit right, don’t let it slide. Trust your intuition, defend your sisters.”

 With Love, 

Rammie.